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Flamin' Hot and Not

Man prays for God to solve all his problems instead of doing anything himself

SPRINGFIELD - After years of unemployment and mounting debts, Bill Smith says he has finally found peace and stability - not through gainful employment, but through prayer. "Jesus wants me to rest," says Smith while lounging in front of the TV. "He'll take care of everything else."

Smith's faith roared like a lion, while his motivation whimpered like a mouse. According to Smith, 96% of his prayer requests involve asking God to buy him a new TV or pay his bills. "They tell me to get a job but Jesus was unemployed too and he did just fine," Smith says.

"I haven't had a job in 10 years. My church helps with groceries and rent so I can focus full time on my prayer life," Smith testifies. Smith offers this advice to others in his situation: "Replace your resume with a prayer journal. God reads that."

Smith is confident his prayers will be answered any day now. In the meantime, his couch has taken on the shape of his body. Doctors warn if he stays there much longer, they may have to surgically remove him from the cushions like a whale from a fishing net. But Smith remains unconcerned, sustained by faith and Flamin' Hot Cheetos. "God will provide," he says, "pass the remote."

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